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Samantha November 9, 2010 at 8:31 am

Great! It could be slowed down down a little bit, and the flow is a bit awkward, but its great. There’s a couple things bothering me though… First, I have no idea what the main character’s name is. Second, don’t you think she’s being kind of obsessive over this guy she just met…? I mean, unless you want the story to be about how this obsessive girl ruins some poor guys life you may want to consider changing that…. Also the beat up red truck, and mother named Renee kinda makes me think of Twilight…. Although I did like the mention of how she got the truck that was pretty good . I like the fact that you had Justin flirt with her a little with the favorite color associated in with her eyes. Perhaps she could start the conversation with shyly introducing herself, you don’t want her to be so unenthusiastic, introductions between main characters are pretty important, and if during the beginning of the book, will show a lot about the character. For example, I slid smoothly into the desk, I picked absent minded at a hangnail, while eye balling this Justin character from a sideways view, he caught my eye for a moment and I hastily went back to my hangnail, moments later though I slowly took a peak to the side to find him smiling cockily at my, wearing an amused expression. “So who might you be?” he inquired. “INSERT NAME HERE,” I murmured quietly, barely loud enough for him to here. Just by doing this you really do add some personality, By giving Justin a cocky smile and amused expression you feel that the character seems very sure of themselves, by having him strike up a conversation with the girl staring nervously (She’ll tend to have a more nervous feel to her at the moment if you make fiddle with something like a hangnail) at him you figure out that he’s friendly enough. Also when maincharacterwithnoname asks Justin to tell her more about him, either add more info about him or chose one piece of info, it’s kind of weird to have him tell her something about his parents before slipping in some flirting (On this note, you really should emphasize on what her reaction is)… Also, her room doesn’t need to be described quite so much, readers aren’t intrested in the room, they’re interested in what’s going to happen in the story. Shorten it to a single easy flowing sentence. Ex. I entered my room, it had brown walls, matching lacy curtains, a simple desk, books shelf and small music system on one side of the room, a neatly made bed with matching brown curtains (I love the fact that you added in that the girl is neat, perhaps in a way this could form in to a flaw of sorts? She could be very particular about cleanliness. To mix in with it, perhaps Justin could be very messy, which bothers her).

EL "W" November 9, 2010 at 8:34 pm

Last Minute moving services. (Evictions) post your truck size and that you’re a handyman on craigslist(In the Movers section) and you’ll get at least 20 hits a day

Wesley B November 10, 2010 at 9:21 am

Honestly, I didn’t get far in before I gave up and stopped reading it.It really needed to be cleaned up. It was unpleasant to read–not for the content, but for the grammar.Names and personal pronouns (like “audry” and “i”) were lower-cased. So are words that start sentences. Many words were misspelled (“herd?”"hunny?”"irrataed?”"teh?” You even misspelled “it’s,” the very FIRST word of the passage).There are missing commas in other punctuation in several places, commas without spaces after them, and many other basic grammar mistakes.Virtually all word processors have built in spell and grammar checkers. Heck, my web browser even has it. There’s no excuse for posting misspelled work other than sheer laziness.I’m sorry if this sounds rude, but it is honest.If you want to write and share your work, you have to clean it up first. Not doing so is simply disrespectful to your reader. Messy work says “I want YOU to give ME your time. I want YOU to expend energy critiquing and thinking about MY work. I want YOU to make ME a better, more successful writer. But I’m not going to give you the time or respect to bother running a simple spell checker on my own work, first.”You want me to respect your work and effort and your time, but you won’t respect mine?Clean it up and post it again.

Aron November 10, 2010 at 9:15 pm

Your format will be just fine. Just make sure the category heading (Copiers, Printers, Faxes; Physical Production; Shipping Receiving, etc.) are in bold. Then make use of bullets to arrange them properly. For example:Copiers, Printers, Fax• Used copy machine to make copies of order forms, packaging slips, and other paperwork.• Used printers to print order forms for management and myself.• Used fax machine to fax discrepensies documents and other paperwork to corporate.

TychaBrahe November 11, 2010 at 9:10 am

It looks like you did 1. And you got that one correctly. Number in the group / number of total.2: 6/18 or 1/34: 1/20 * 1/20 * 1/.20 = 1/800010: 4/12 or 1/318: 5 * 3 * 4 * 5 = 300

Mary G November 11, 2010 at 8:38 pm

Greyhound… seriously…. it’s the cheapest way to send anything big like that.

Blunt November 12, 2010 at 8:25 am

I completely understand your desire to be alone. In all honesty, you need this time alone to re-group, find yourself and reconnect with yourself. You went from mommas house, to be a dad and a husband for 17 years and now, jumped into a relationship too soon, perhaps of fear of being alone or as an ego stroke. Either way, I believe it is time for you to learn to be on your own, re-build your life and learn who you are and who you want to be. At a young age you jumped into marriage an d fatherhood and you have missed what people in their teens and 20’s normally do. You are very young at 34 and life has given you an opportunity to live what you missed.You have to be honest with this lady and make an escape plan. “Trying” is not going to cut it and is only going to prolong this agony. Yes, it was wrong of your to string a single mom along, but for everyone’s sake, you need to put a stop to this. It is not fair to her to waste her time if you are not interested in forming the Brady bunch. Tell her that it is over and that you are moving out, better still, move out when she is gone, leave her a note explaining and change your telephone numbers and close your myspace account. You cannot live in a lie and hurt the feelings of innocent children. The sooner, the better so she can be free to pursue men that are serious about her. If she stalks you, stops you from leaving tell her that you will call the police as holding someone against their will is illegal. Be peaceful but firm when moving out. Get the sherriff escort you in and out to avoid the drama and her boxing you in. Good luck